moving

offically moving sites: later blogspot.

i have never been this anxious in my entire life.

"home"

Isn't it funny how people always say time flies at the end of something? It's always at the end, when people reminisce, and realize how fast 24 hours actually goes.

Well, the past 6 months flew and almost forgot to wave on it's way by. It's really coming to and end - tonight is my last night in my room surrounded by the mountains that have become my second home.

My brain has been going in 100 different directions lately and I'm not even sure how to consolidate it into something that makes sense even to me. I've been thinking a lot about my future, a lot about what I want to do, and trying to discern the Lord's guidance. I think I am on the right track with what I have in mind..but that's for another blog. What's really on my heart today is the past 3 months. This fall season has been one where the Lord has grown me from a young girl with a free spirit heart to a young woman with a passion to follow His lead.

My time here has been more than an internship - it's been crucial to every area of my life. This fall, I have realized that my life is up to me. It's no longer up to my parents or this step by step life-plan that I've had up until this point. I have no idea what's next but these last few months have given me more hope in an unknown future then I've ever had in a known one.

I have found my direction here. I have found a direction that lights a fire in my heart when I think about it. I've found a direction that is exciting and purposeful.

I've found friends here that I want to be like. I have found a group of people that care about me and my passion for Him. I have found people that I unashamedly want in my life for the long-run; people whose love for the Lord that is contagious.

I have found the first place away from home, that feels like home. I have learned that home is more than a place; in fact, "home" is simply more than I ever thought.

Needless to say, I'm sad. I'm bummed to be leaving these people, this place, these mountains, this new life that is exciting and challenging.

That's where I'm at tonight. I'm excited to be with family and friends for the holidays but tonight, as I lay here for the last time, I can only hope that there is an open door waiting to allow me to come back. Soon.

almost over.

I can't believe that it's almost time to leave. I remember so vividly the sunny day of May 15th when Abby and I loaded my car up and headed west.

It has been a few of the best months I have ever experienced. I am walking away from the past 6 months a completely new person - in such a good way. I have been challenged and stretched in ways that I'm sure I'll keep learning as I head down the mountain.

I have no idea what is next for me...but I can say that I am working hard at trusting Him with that knowledge. My applications and resume's are flying around the state of Colorado hoping that I don't have to say goodbye forever - but I know that He has a plan that is way better than all the plans I have concocted in my head.

The thought of possibly moving out here at the new year is one that excites me beyond belief. I have an incredible friend group and can't let myself think about saying goodbye and camp family that would be located in every city I visit. I am waiting to hear from an at-risk home for girls...hoping that my desire for the job and a new life out here is lining up with His desire as well. We'll see.

I have begun to realize that this past summer and fall were a risk for me. I knew at the beginning that the reason I wanted to choose this path rather then a full-time job at school was because Jesus was going to have to come through. Well, here I am. I am at the end of the road and awaiting his faithfulness...but the best part is that He has never let me down.

So, all that to say, Colorado and I have two more weeks together with hopes of many more - but if not, it's been one heck of a ride.

Love People.

I just want to love people.

I continued reading Forgotten God today and was once again overwhelmed by new realizations of the Holy Spirit.

I realized that I'm not sure how to pray anymore.

I'm so used to praying for my future and figuring out the "next big step" in my life and I realized that I have never really asked to be led day by day...baby step by baby step.

I seriously feel a HUGE burden lifted off of my shoulders. I'm seeing how I for so long lived life and wanted the Holy Spirit to fit into it..instead of letting Him be the one in charge. Again, it all comes back to my lack of understanding the power of the One inside. Why did I EVER think it was a good idea to live my life and then fit Him in?

Therefore, today I prayed the most simple prayer I have ever prayed about my future. "Lord, I just want to love on people. I want to empower people with a hope in You." I'm not sure what that is going to look like, but I am more excited than words can express to follow the Holy Spirit there.

Anyways, I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm excited for a day to begin learning to sense the Spirit's leading.

Ok...that's it. Just a few more random thoughts.

Oh yeah...I made a list of things I want to do today. On that list were many things but some were:

Grow a garden

Watch Breakfast at Tiffany's

Learn to surf

Get my own puppy - named Indy

Make a music video

So much more depth than that..but that's just a taste.

mmmmmmmmmmmk. goodnight.

His will.

My world was rocked today.

"I think a lot of us need to forget about God's will for my life. God cares more about our response to His Spirit's leading today, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today's decisions." pg. 120

I'm reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and this chapter that I started today seriously made me stop and realize what he has been trying to say throughout the whole book so far. The KING OF KINGS lives inside of me. This thought is too big to really comprehend but I feel like I'm starting to at least realize the magnitude of this truth.

I have been praying lately for the "big picture." I have been praying for God's will for my life and for more clarity on what I am supposed to do next and for other major decisions I am being faced with. "There are very few people in the Scriptures who received their life plan from God in advance..." This is another part of the chapter that knocked me into place. I think I have been neglecting the Spirit's leading in my life BECAUSE I have been waiting expectation for a picture of my future.

I think have been neglecting the Spirit's leading in my life BECAUSE I have been waiting in expectation for a picture of my future.

Today marked the day where I stopped praying for God's will to be revealed down the road and changed it to a prayer for leading in that day. I do

n't know if I'll have a tomorrow so why pray that way? I have been completely ignorant to the fact that I have missed tapping into the power that is within..

I can't even begin to explain the challenges that this book has been presenting me about my understanding of the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure if this rambling made any sense because I'm still trying to make sense of it in my own mind. Either way, I am excited about this new adventure in my faith that I'm on with and in the Spirit.

I think He's been waiting to take me on the journey I've been looking for.

Job Hunting

I hate it.

I have been searching and searching for jobs in the Denver area and the only ones I can find:

King Soopers - head cashier.

What the heck? I'd be the best freaking cashier they've ever had.

Okay - I might be being a little dramatic. I did find a couple interesting positions..we'll see though. I'm loving life as of lately and here's why:

1. I got to talk to Bethany yesterday on the internet.

2. I get to go to the midwest in 3 weeks for a visit and then fly back to Colorado.

3. I am going to South Dakota for Thanksgiving where I will then win a weight gaining contest with one of my best friends and her family.

4. It's fall.

5. My annual Pumpkin carving day is approaching fast...I'm thinking the classic jack-o-latern face is in store.

it's gotta be the little things.

later.