heartbroken

This weekend I helped run a youth retreat at school...it took about 15 minutes into the kids arriving for my heart to break.

I met two girls, both freshman in high school; Sarah and Lakin. As the kids arrived, we ordered pizza and sat around and ate dinner before the evening events started so I sat with them. We started talking and during the conversation another female youth leader from another church joined us. Somehow, the discussion turned towards temptations and struggles they are dealing with.

BOTH feel the pressure of sexual impurity. BOTH wonder how it is possible to remain abstinent. These beautiful, bright and fun girls sat in front of me talking about all the girls they see at school walking around 8 months pregnant, preparing their young hearts to become mom's at age 15. They talked about it being perceived as the "norm." After letting the adult leader talk a bit, and after sitting their quietly for the majority of the conversation, all I could think to say was "Girls, it's not meant to be that way. You deserve SO much more than that."

Honestly, in my mind, it isn't news that sexual sin is a huge problem. But when it becomes a face...when it becomes two young girls sitting in front of me, that is when I can hardly take it. Those are the moments where I sit and know that the Lord's heart must break too. I just sat there thinking about what those two daughters of Christ really deserve and what they are settling for and it makes me sick. My heart broke...and I'm not sure it will be able to be mended this side of Heaven.

Sarah and Lakin came and gave me hugs goodbye today...I pray they saw a glimpse this weekend. I pray someday they get what they deserve.

home :)

I love home...the place, the people, and the memories.

Sometimes home is the only answer that works; it's exactly where the heart is and the only place where you can be reminded that being who you are is exactly who you should be.

Thank God for taking me home..

low.

Even though I can look at my life and get excited about what the Lord has planned..sometimes I just flat out struggle.

The past few weeks have been this way. I've had great days but definitely have had more frustrating days than those. I'm not sure why all of a sudden Satan has decided to pound on my heart in areas that have been improving for so long. I'm down...and not sure, at this point how to pick myself up.

Decided that I just needed to be honest. Doesn't always work out the best...but at least this time it made me feel a little lighter.

I've become more and more thankful for the prayers of David..the prayers that simply cry out in agony, questioning God's tactics. That's been a release to me..and I'm expecting answers. I've learned that it's okay to expect God to show up when I call on Him. Thank God for His faithfulness...at least I can count on the fact that He'll carry me through..because I guarantee that I can't do it myself.

#22

Well....I'm old. :)

I can't believe that another year is over...SO much has happened this past year and it's incredible to me all the changes that have taken place. I honestly believe that my 21st year was probably the most life-changing and stretching year of my life.

I have grown in so many areas and have been broken down as far as I ever have but after I finally gave those pieces to the Lord, I feel that I was put back together a better person...a woman who is more in love with Christ. I have experienced so many incredible things this year that were a blessing directly from my Heavenly Father...

After reflecting a little bit on this past year, I started looking down the future road..the 22nd year of my life. Graduation is coming..."real" life is starting soon. Seriously? This year is going to be full of so many choices and decisions that need to be made and I can now see the Lord's sovereignty once again. Without this past year, I would have never been here, at the place where I can stare at the future and be completely content. Having the peace that I do deep down is absolutely the best blessing the Lord could have given me.

So...even though I sometimes dread the thought of "growing up" I have never felt more secure in my Father's hands. I have found that now, when I grow anxious or discontent with areas of my life, I am beginning to turn and fall back into the trusting arms of Him. So..with the few months I have left, I am excited to enjoy the place He has put me and the life He has given me.

summit

Tonight was the last night of our spiritual emphasis week and was incredible. Sometimes all I can do is stand in awe of His goodness. At the very end of the night, they turned all of the lights out except for the lights on the cross and we sang, "Glorious One." There are really no words to describe what happened tonight besides that the Lord was there. His presence was so real...

I am once again amazed at life. Where I'm at, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I would never have put myself in this location that the Lord has me..but I wouldn't trade it. I love getting up every morning and have some of the BEST friends I could have ever asked for. I don't know what the future looks like and that is completely fine by me. There are new and exciting things happening that have me freaked out but constantly remind me of how my trust HAS to be found in Him. Life is good..and even when it isn't, He is.

There was one phrase tonight that the pastor talked about at our meeting. He said that not only does the Lord want to forgive us our sins, he wants us to find a life free of intentional sin. He said that the Lord is willing to shift our lives to the point that we are becoming more naturally like Him rather than sinful people. He brought up this idea of learning to love naturally. This is what I want my life to be about. I want to become so in love with Christ that my instinct is to love...I want my response to be, "Why wouldn't I love them?"

Well, my shift is almost over and my bed is calling my name...

The best I can be.

"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare composed poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.'" ---Martin Luther King, Jr.

This quote is something I came across one day...and I absolutely love it. So..the story is that I went through an entire week of preseason thinking that I was going to continue playing in my forward position that I've been playing for the first three years of my college career. Then, Friday comes around..the day of our scrimmage and I find out that I'm starting in a completely new position. Needless to say, I was angry. I've had the experience and have held it for three years..and I felt like I wasn't being given much credit. Well, after talking to my dad and myself, I came up with this motto that Dr. Kind Jr. put so eloquently.

I decided that even though I may not be as confident where I'm at now, I'm going to be the best outside mid that my coach has ever had; well, at least the hardest working. I want my teammates and my coach to look and see that I did my job well.

Other than that...almost done with two-a-days :) Thank the good Lord. Can't wait for my last year to begin...I have a gut feeling that it's going to be incredible!

Stephen

About two weeks ago, I was helping my dad with a basketball camp here at the church. It was so much fun and I can't tell you how great it was to be around kids again :) However, one of the "huddle times" we had, where my dad shares a little devotional with the campers, he had another coach and myself read through about 10 verses. Each verse had an emphasis on some form of the word "sit." Here are a few of those verses that I could find:

"The Lord says to my Lord: 'Sit at my right hand until I make enemies a footstool for your feet." Psalm 110:1

"...I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple."
Isaiah 6:1

"...After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."
Hebrews 1:3

"...which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms"
Ephesians 1:20

Then my dad read this verse...

"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus, standing at the right hand of God."
Acts 7:55

The Lord gave Stephen a standing ovation...

I don't know what it was about this devotional my dad gave but I haven't been able to get it off my mind. Stephen lived in such a way that the Lord stood up out of His throne. Stephen saw Jesus Christ standing...for him. I think this is absolutely incredible. I know I've read the story of Stephen before...but not good enough. I want to know what made this man "full of the Holy Spirit" and I want to know what caused our Savior to be that pleased with someone. God knows I shouldn't be expecting anything like what Stephen received...but I have this inner desire to try and be better.

Although I go through most days simply thankful for the Lord's mercies because I screw up all the time, maybe someday I'll begin to understand what Stephen understood; because all I know, is that he "got it." He understood something that was so great that even Jesus Christ, Stephen's own creator, had to stand up.