far far away.

Whoa.

If someone were to have looked at me 1 year ago...or even 8 months ago and said: Are you willing to move across the country after graduation? I would have laughed and said HECK no.

Nevertheless...
today I pushed "send' on an application for a job in Kerrville, Texas. TEXAS. FULL-TIME. While I do see the inadequacies of my resume and experience, I 100% believe that the Lord will take me to Texas if He wants me there and I am surprisingly hoping He does.

The past month has been an amazing thing to me. I have realized that my heart really is different. I have never been more than ready to take a risk with Christ. As I look to my uncertain future, I am completely resting in His faithfulness. I don't know if I will be moving south, west or east but I am so at peace with any option. He has proven to me in the past year that He loves me more than I can comprehend...and I am embracing that.

Not gonna lie though..Texas sounds incredible. Partly because it's 20 hours from here and because it's warm. More than that, however, Texas is a place that demands dependence on the only One going with me. I am ready for Him to demand that from me. It's time...I'm ready to end a chapter to open up a brand new one.

and I really want to buy cowboy boots...

Ordinary People

I have been reading a book given to me called "The Rabbi's Heartbeat." It's by Brennan Manning and is probably the deepest book I've read in a long time. He writes with such a depth and understanding that I often have to re-read several times in order grasp something he is trying to tell me...

In one of the chapters, Manning talks about being ordinary. For some that know me, this is something I struggle with: is there really anything important about me? There isn't anything too special...I'm average. This chapter - no lie - changed my life.
"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. God's love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that, and let it become the most important thing in your life."
Just by being loved by Christ makes me worth something. I am his beloved.

It's amazing to me, after realizing this, how often I forget. Manning also says, "When I draw life and meaning from any other source than my belovedness, I am spiritually dead."
Dead. How often do I do this? How many times do I forget where my true worth lies and I begin trying to "fit the mold"? How often do I try to be the perfect student, the anchor of the team, the good daughter, the best listener, or the prettiest I can be? After reading this chapter, I've realized how impossible I make my life. It is utterly impossible to always be all of those things...and why would I ever want to be? No wonder I find myself struggling. I sometimes wonder where my passion went or where my excitement for each day went and when I wake up trying to fulfill all of these things to find worth...it's no wonder I'm exhausted.

This truth that I am valued and loved by Christ is something that is so obvious but I have never really thought about before. I am Christ's beloved. He WANTS to love me...simple me. I will never fully understand this but this idea that He chooses me is something that I needed to hear. No longer will I wake up trying to be something to gain value. Nope. I am now going to simply rest in the fact that He loves me.

Care to join?

You need rest.

"I know you often grow weary. I hear your heartfelt cry for more energy to make it through each day. You, My tired princess, must trust Me with all your many worries and responsibilities. Rest when I tell you to. I am your heavenly Father, and I know what My girl needs. So listen to the One who loves you the most and knows all about you. I want you to take a step of faith by setting aside a day each week to rest from all your work. If you will obey Me in this, I will multiply your time and supernaturally energize your efforts to get everything done in the following days. Welcome this opportunity to give your mind, body, and spirit a rest. Consider it My love gift to you, and relax in Me!

Love,
Your King and your Resting Place."

Then Jesus said, "Come to Me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I read this today...and needed to hear it. Maybe you do too.

falling leaves.

Senior night for the boys!



Carving pumpkins at Liz's!



Driving a semi..




Dan, Gabe and I at a soccer game :)

Three of my favorite freshman!

Liz on homecoming court :)

With the homecoming king and Paul.

Just a few memories from this fall. Just a few reasons why it's my favorite season :)

heartbroken

This weekend I helped run a youth retreat at school...it took about 15 minutes into the kids arriving for my heart to break.

I met two girls, both freshman in high school; Sarah and Lakin. As the kids arrived, we ordered pizza and sat around and ate dinner before the evening events started so I sat with them. We started talking and during the conversation another female youth leader from another church joined us. Somehow, the discussion turned towards temptations and struggles they are dealing with.

BOTH feel the pressure of sexual impurity. BOTH wonder how it is possible to remain abstinent. These beautiful, bright and fun girls sat in front of me talking about all the girls they see at school walking around 8 months pregnant, preparing their young hearts to become mom's at age 15. They talked about it being perceived as the "norm." After letting the adult leader talk a bit, and after sitting their quietly for the majority of the conversation, all I could think to say was "Girls, it's not meant to be that way. You deserve SO much more than that."

Honestly, in my mind, it isn't news that sexual sin is a huge problem. But when it becomes a face...when it becomes two young girls sitting in front of me, that is when I can hardly take it. Those are the moments where I sit and know that the Lord's heart must break too. I just sat there thinking about what those two daughters of Christ really deserve and what they are settling for and it makes me sick. My heart broke...and I'm not sure it will be able to be mended this side of Heaven.

Sarah and Lakin came and gave me hugs goodbye today...I pray they saw a glimpse this weekend. I pray someday they get what they deserve.

home :)

I love home...the place, the people, and the memories.

Sometimes home is the only answer that works; it's exactly where the heart is and the only place where you can be reminded that being who you are is exactly who you should be.

Thank God for taking me home..

low.

Even though I can look at my life and get excited about what the Lord has planned..sometimes I just flat out struggle.

The past few weeks have been this way. I've had great days but definitely have had more frustrating days than those. I'm not sure why all of a sudden Satan has decided to pound on my heart in areas that have been improving for so long. I'm down...and not sure, at this point how to pick myself up.

Decided that I just needed to be honest. Doesn't always work out the best...but at least this time it made me feel a little lighter.

I've become more and more thankful for the prayers of David..the prayers that simply cry out in agony, questioning God's tactics. That's been a release to me..and I'm expecting answers. I've learned that it's okay to expect God to show up when I call on Him. Thank God for His faithfulness...at least I can count on the fact that He'll carry me through..because I guarantee that I can't do it myself.