I feel like my life is a song right now. You know how there are times when it feels like everything is in slow motion and there is a song playing in the background as you watch life pass by? That's what I feel like.
There are SO many things happening right now...and I'm loving it and hating it too.
This weekend I flew out to camp to meet the leadership team and work on things for the summer and then I flew back to life as I know it. Life is changing. In 23 days, I'll be driving away from home unsure for the first time about when I will be back. I can't even describe the feeling inside when I think about that.
I am about to walk around campus and tell people goodbye - for the LAST time. This is hard; I don't care how much you may hate school or your place in life right now. Saying goodbye without the comfort of preseason or next semester is HARD. There are people that I have invested in, that have invested in me, people that hold such special places in my heart, and people that I am genuinely going to grieve losing. This campus, these past four years of IWU, changed my life. I am such a different woman today then I was when I walked on to campus four years ago...I am better now then I was; my time spent here changed who I am.
Nevertheless, the past four years and the growing up that has taken place makes the thought of "what's next" nothing short of exciting. I CAN NOT wait for the next step. Sure, I'll be in Colorado for awhile but the door is still wide open for the Lord to take me anywhere. The preparation from the past four years was not in vain...I do feel ready; just sad. I feel 100% sure that the Lord has prepared my heart for graduation but has given me so much in between that I will miss.
I know it sounds like I am contradicting myself and that's because I am. I'm sad and don't want to leave but I'm also excited and ready to pack up and head out. Is there really a better place to be? Am I jealous of people who can't wait for Saturday and won't look back? Heck no. I pity them. God knows I am going to look back and continue to be thankful for His faithfulness, blessings and love that empowered me to move on in strength and trust.
He has been SO good to me and that's why I will be crying Saturday; the bittersweet tears of four great years full of memories.
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