low.

Even though I can look at my life and get excited about what the Lord has planned..sometimes I just flat out struggle.

The past few weeks have been this way. I've had great days but definitely have had more frustrating days than those. I'm not sure why all of a sudden Satan has decided to pound on my heart in areas that have been improving for so long. I'm down...and not sure, at this point how to pick myself up.

Decided that I just needed to be honest. Doesn't always work out the best...but at least this time it made me feel a little lighter.

I've become more and more thankful for the prayers of David..the prayers that simply cry out in agony, questioning God's tactics. That's been a release to me..and I'm expecting answers. I've learned that it's okay to expect God to show up when I call on Him. Thank God for His faithfulness...at least I can count on the fact that He'll carry me through..because I guarantee that I can't do it myself.

#22

Well....I'm old. :)

I can't believe that another year is over...SO much has happened this past year and it's incredible to me all the changes that have taken place. I honestly believe that my 21st year was probably the most life-changing and stretching year of my life.

I have grown in so many areas and have been broken down as far as I ever have but after I finally gave those pieces to the Lord, I feel that I was put back together a better person...a woman who is more in love with Christ. I have experienced so many incredible things this year that were a blessing directly from my Heavenly Father...

After reflecting a little bit on this past year, I started looking down the future road..the 22nd year of my life. Graduation is coming..."real" life is starting soon. Seriously? This year is going to be full of so many choices and decisions that need to be made and I can now see the Lord's sovereignty once again. Without this past year, I would have never been here, at the place where I can stare at the future and be completely content. Having the peace that I do deep down is absolutely the best blessing the Lord could have given me.

So...even though I sometimes dread the thought of "growing up" I have never felt more secure in my Father's hands. I have found that now, when I grow anxious or discontent with areas of my life, I am beginning to turn and fall back into the trusting arms of Him. So..with the few months I have left, I am excited to enjoy the place He has put me and the life He has given me.

summit

Tonight was the last night of our spiritual emphasis week and was incredible. Sometimes all I can do is stand in awe of His goodness. At the very end of the night, they turned all of the lights out except for the lights on the cross and we sang, "Glorious One." There are really no words to describe what happened tonight besides that the Lord was there. His presence was so real...

I am once again amazed at life. Where I'm at, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I would never have put myself in this location that the Lord has me..but I wouldn't trade it. I love getting up every morning and have some of the BEST friends I could have ever asked for. I don't know what the future looks like and that is completely fine by me. There are new and exciting things happening that have me freaked out but constantly remind me of how my trust HAS to be found in Him. Life is good..and even when it isn't, He is.

There was one phrase tonight that the pastor talked about at our meeting. He said that not only does the Lord want to forgive us our sins, he wants us to find a life free of intentional sin. He said that the Lord is willing to shift our lives to the point that we are becoming more naturally like Him rather than sinful people. He brought up this idea of learning to love naturally. This is what I want my life to be about. I want to become so in love with Christ that my instinct is to love...I want my response to be, "Why wouldn't I love them?"

Well, my shift is almost over and my bed is calling my name...