I have been reading a book given to me called "The Rabbi's Heartbeat." It's by Brennan Manning and is probably the deepest book I've read in a long time. He writes with such a depth and understanding that I often have to re-read several times in order grasp something he is trying to tell me...
In one of the chapters, Manning talks about being ordinary. For some that know me, this is something I struggle with: is there really anything important about me? There isn't anything too special...I'm average. This chapter - no lie - changed my life.
"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. God's love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that, and let it become the most important thing in your life."
Just by being loved by Christ makes me worth something. I am his beloved.
It's amazing to me, after realizing this, how often I forget. Manning also says, "When I draw life and meaning from any other source than my belovedness, I am spiritually dead."
Dead. How often do I do this? How many times do I forget where my true worth lies and I begin trying to "fit the mold"? How often do I try to be the perfect student, the anchor of the team, the good daughter, the best listener, or the prettiest I can be? After reading this chapter, I've realized how impossible I make my life. It is utterly impossible to always be all of those things...and why would I ever want to be? No wonder I find myself struggling. I sometimes wonder where my passion went or where my excitement for each day went and when I wake up trying to fulfill all of these things to find worth...it's no wonder I'm exhausted.
This truth that I am valued and loved by Christ is something that is so obvious but I have never really thought about before. I am Christ's beloved. He WANTS to love me...simple me. I will never fully understand this but this idea that He chooses me is something that I needed to hear. No longer will I wake up trying to be something to gain value. Nope. I am now going to simply rest in the fact that He loves me.
Care to join?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
You need rest.
"I know you often grow weary. I hear your heartfelt cry for more energy to make it through each day. You, My tired princess, must trust Me with all your many worries and responsibilities. Rest when I tell you to. I am your heavenly Father, and I know what My girl needs. So listen to the One who loves you the most and knows all about you. I want you to take a step of faith by setting aside a day each week to rest from all your work. If you will obey Me in this, I will multiply your time and supernaturally energize your efforts to get everything done in the following days. Welcome this opportunity to give your mind, body, and spirit a rest. Consider it My love gift to you, and relax in Me!
Love,
Your King and your Resting Place."
Love,
Your King and your Resting Place."
Then Jesus said, "Come to Me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
I read this today...and needed to hear it. Maybe you do too.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
falling leaves.
Senior night for the boys!
Carving pumpkins at Liz's!
Driving a semi..
Dan, Gabe and I at a soccer game :)
Three of my favorite freshman!
Liz on homecoming court :)
With the homecoming king and Paul.
Just a few memories from this fall. Just a few reasons why it's my favorite season :)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
heartbroken
This weekend I helped run a youth retreat at school...it took about 15 minutes into the kids arriving for my heart to break.
I met two girls, both freshman in high school; Sarah and Lakin. As the kids arrived, we ordered pizza and sat around and ate dinner before the evening events started so I sat with them. We started talking and during the conversation another female youth leader from another church joined us. Somehow, the discussion turned towards temptations and struggles they are dealing with.
BOTH feel the pressure of sexual impurity. BOTH wonder how it is possible to remain abstinent. These beautiful, bright and fun girls sat in front of me talking about all the girls they see at school walking around 8 months pregnant, preparing their young hearts to become mom's at age 15. They talked about it being perceived as the "norm." After letting the adult leader talk a bit, and after sitting their quietly for the majority of the conversation, all I could think to say was "Girls, it's not meant to be that way. You deserve SO much more than that."
Honestly, in my mind, it isn't news that sexual sin is a huge problem. But when it becomes a face...when it becomes two young girls sitting in front of me, that is when I can hardly take it. Those are the moments where I sit and know that the Lord's heart must break too. I just sat there thinking about what those two daughters of Christ really deserve and what they are settling for and it makes me sick. My heart broke...and I'm not sure it will be able to be mended this side of Heaven.
Sarah and Lakin came and gave me hugs goodbye today...I pray they saw a glimpse this weekend. I pray someday they get what they deserve.
I met two girls, both freshman in high school; Sarah and Lakin. As the kids arrived, we ordered pizza and sat around and ate dinner before the evening events started so I sat with them. We started talking and during the conversation another female youth leader from another church joined us. Somehow, the discussion turned towards temptations and struggles they are dealing with.
BOTH feel the pressure of sexual impurity. BOTH wonder how it is possible to remain abstinent. These beautiful, bright and fun girls sat in front of me talking about all the girls they see at school walking around 8 months pregnant, preparing their young hearts to become mom's at age 15. They talked about it being perceived as the "norm." After letting the adult leader talk a bit, and after sitting their quietly for the majority of the conversation, all I could think to say was "Girls, it's not meant to be that way. You deserve SO much more than that."
Honestly, in my mind, it isn't news that sexual sin is a huge problem. But when it becomes a face...when it becomes two young girls sitting in front of me, that is when I can hardly take it. Those are the moments where I sit and know that the Lord's heart must break too. I just sat there thinking about what those two daughters of Christ really deserve and what they are settling for and it makes me sick. My heart broke...and I'm not sure it will be able to be mended this side of Heaven.
Sarah and Lakin came and gave me hugs goodbye today...I pray they saw a glimpse this weekend. I pray someday they get what they deserve.
Monday, October 13, 2008
home :)
I love home...the place, the people, and the memories.
Sometimes home is the only answer that works; it's exactly where the heart is and the only place where you can be reminded that being who you are is exactly who you should be.
Thank God for taking me home..
Sometimes home is the only answer that works; it's exactly where the heart is and the only place where you can be reminded that being who you are is exactly who you should be.
Thank God for taking me home..
Monday, September 29, 2008
low.
Even though I can look at my life and get excited about what the Lord has planned..sometimes I just flat out struggle.
The past few weeks have been this way. I've had great days but definitely have had more frustrating days than those. I'm not sure why all of a sudden Satan has decided to pound on my heart in areas that have been improving for so long. I'm down...and not sure, at this point how to pick myself up.
Decided that I just needed to be honest. Doesn't always work out the best...but at least this time it made me feel a little lighter.
I've become more and more thankful for the prayers of David..the prayers that simply cry out in agony, questioning God's tactics. That's been a release to me..and I'm expecting answers. I've learned that it's okay to expect God to show up when I call on Him. Thank God for His faithfulness...at least I can count on the fact that He'll carry me through..because I guarantee that I can't do it myself.
The past few weeks have been this way. I've had great days but definitely have had more frustrating days than those. I'm not sure why all of a sudden Satan has decided to pound on my heart in areas that have been improving for so long. I'm down...and not sure, at this point how to pick myself up.
Decided that I just needed to be honest. Doesn't always work out the best...but at least this time it made me feel a little lighter.
I've become more and more thankful for the prayers of David..the prayers that simply cry out in agony, questioning God's tactics. That's been a release to me..and I'm expecting answers. I've learned that it's okay to expect God to show up when I call on Him. Thank God for His faithfulness...at least I can count on the fact that He'll carry me through..because I guarantee that I can't do it myself.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
#22
Well....I'm old. :)
I can't believe that another year is over...SO much has happened this past year and it's incredible to me all the changes that have taken place. I honestly believe that my 21st year was probably the most life-changing and stretching year of my life.
I have grown in so many areas and have been broken down as far as I ever have but after I finally gave those pieces to the Lord, I feel that I was put back together a better person...a woman who is more in love with Christ. I have experienced so many incredible things this year that were a blessing directly from my Heavenly Father...
After reflecting a little bit on this past year, I started looking down the future road..the 22nd year of my life. Graduation is coming..."real" life is starting soon. Seriously? This year is going to be full of so many choices and decisions that need to be made and I can now see the Lord's sovereignty once again. Without this past year, I would have never been here, at the place where I can stare at the future and be completely content. Having the peace that I do deep down is absolutely the best blessing the Lord could have given me.
So...even though I sometimes dread the thought of "growing up" I have never felt more secure in my Father's hands. I have found that now, when I grow anxious or discontent with areas of my life, I am beginning to turn and fall back into the trusting arms of Him. So..with the few months I have left, I am excited to enjoy the place He has put me and the life He has given me.
I can't believe that another year is over...SO much has happened this past year and it's incredible to me all the changes that have taken place. I honestly believe that my 21st year was probably the most life-changing and stretching year of my life.
I have grown in so many areas and have been broken down as far as I ever have but after I finally gave those pieces to the Lord, I feel that I was put back together a better person...a woman who is more in love with Christ. I have experienced so many incredible things this year that were a blessing directly from my Heavenly Father...
After reflecting a little bit on this past year, I started looking down the future road..the 22nd year of my life. Graduation is coming..."real" life is starting soon. Seriously? This year is going to be full of so many choices and decisions that need to be made and I can now see the Lord's sovereignty once again. Without this past year, I would have never been here, at the place where I can stare at the future and be completely content. Having the peace that I do deep down is absolutely the best blessing the Lord could have given me.
So...even though I sometimes dread the thought of "growing up" I have never felt more secure in my Father's hands. I have found that now, when I grow anxious or discontent with areas of my life, I am beginning to turn and fall back into the trusting arms of Him. So..with the few months I have left, I am excited to enjoy the place He has put me and the life He has given me.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
summit
Tonight was the last night of our spiritual emphasis week and was incredible. Sometimes all I can do is stand in awe of His goodness. At the very end of the night, they turned all of the lights out except for the lights on the cross and we sang, "Glorious One." There are really no words to describe what happened tonight besides that the Lord was there. His presence was so real...
I am once again amazed at life. Where I'm at, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I would never have put myself in this location that the Lord has me..but I wouldn't trade it. I love getting up every morning and have some of the BEST friends I could have ever asked for. I don't know what the future looks like and that is completely fine by me. There are new and exciting things happening that have me freaked out but constantly remind me of how my trust HAS to be found in Him. Life is good..and even when it isn't, He is.
There was one phrase tonight that the pastor talked about at our meeting. He said that not only does the Lord want to forgive us our sins, he wants us to find a life free of intentional sin. He said that the Lord is willing to shift our lives to the point that we are becoming more naturally like Him rather than sinful people. He brought up this idea of learning to love naturally. This is what I want my life to be about. I want to become so in love with Christ that my instinct is to love...I want my response to be, "Why wouldn't I love them?"
Well, my shift is almost over and my bed is calling my name...
I am once again amazed at life. Where I'm at, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I would never have put myself in this location that the Lord has me..but I wouldn't trade it. I love getting up every morning and have some of the BEST friends I could have ever asked for. I don't know what the future looks like and that is completely fine by me. There are new and exciting things happening that have me freaked out but constantly remind me of how my trust HAS to be found in Him. Life is good..and even when it isn't, He is.
There was one phrase tonight that the pastor talked about at our meeting. He said that not only does the Lord want to forgive us our sins, he wants us to find a life free of intentional sin. He said that the Lord is willing to shift our lives to the point that we are becoming more naturally like Him rather than sinful people. He brought up this idea of learning to love naturally. This is what I want my life to be about. I want to become so in love with Christ that my instinct is to love...I want my response to be, "Why wouldn't I love them?"
Well, my shift is almost over and my bed is calling my name...
Monday, August 18, 2008
The best I can be.
"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare composed poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.'" ---Martin Luther King, Jr.
This quote is something I came across one day...and I absolutely love it. So..the story is that I went through an entire week of preseason thinking that I was going to continue playing in my forward position that I've been playing for the first three years of my college career. Then, Friday comes around..the day of our scrimmage and I find out that I'm starting in a completely new position. Needless to say, I was angry. I've had the experience and have held it for three years..and I felt like I wasn't being given much credit. Well, after talking to my dad and myself, I came up with this motto that Dr. Kind Jr. put so eloquently.
I decided that even though I may not be as confident where I'm at now, I'm going to be the best outside mid that my coach has ever had; well, at least the hardest working. I want my teammates and my coach to look and see that I did my job well.
Other than that...almost done with two-a-days :) Thank the good Lord. Can't wait for my last year to begin...I have a gut feeling that it's going to be incredible!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Stephen
About two weeks ago, I was helping my dad with a basketball camp here at the church. It was so much fun and I can't tell you how great it was to be around kids again :) However, one of the "huddle times" we had, where my dad shares a little devotional with the campers, he had another coach and myself read through about 10 verses. Each verse had an emphasis on some form of the word "sit." Here are a few of those verses that I could find:
"The Lord says to my Lord: 'Sit at my right hand until I make enemies a footstool for your feet." Psalm 110:1
"...I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple."
Isaiah 6:1
"...After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."
Hebrews 1:3
"...which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms"
Ephesians 1:20
Then my dad read this verse...
"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus, standing at the right hand of God."
Acts 7:55
The Lord gave Stephen a standing ovation...
I don't know what it was about this devotional my dad gave but I haven't been able to get it off my mind. Stephen lived in such a way that the Lord stood up out of His throne. Stephen saw Jesus Christ standing...for him. I think this is absolutely incredible. I know I've read the story of Stephen before...but not good enough. I want to know what made this man "full of the Holy Spirit" and I want to know what caused our Savior to be that pleased with someone. God knows I shouldn't be expecting anything like what Stephen received...but I have this inner desire to try and be better.
Although I go through most days simply thankful for the Lord's mercies because I screw up all the time, maybe someday I'll begin to understand what Stephen understood; because all I know, is that he "got it." He understood something that was so great that even Jesus Christ, Stephen's own creator, had to stand up.
"The Lord says to my Lord: 'Sit at my right hand until I make enemies a footstool for your feet." Psalm 110:1
"...I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple."
Isaiah 6:1
"...After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."
Hebrews 1:3
"...which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms"
Ephesians 1:20
Then my dad read this verse...
"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus, standing at the right hand of God."
Acts 7:55
The Lord gave Stephen a standing ovation...
I don't know what it was about this devotional my dad gave but I haven't been able to get it off my mind. Stephen lived in such a way that the Lord stood up out of His throne. Stephen saw Jesus Christ standing...for him. I think this is absolutely incredible. I know I've read the story of Stephen before...but not good enough. I want to know what made this man "full of the Holy Spirit" and I want to know what caused our Savior to be that pleased with someone. God knows I shouldn't be expecting anything like what Stephen received...but I have this inner desire to try and be better.
Although I go through most days simply thankful for the Lord's mercies because I screw up all the time, maybe someday I'll begin to understand what Stephen understood; because all I know, is that he "got it." He understood something that was so great that even Jesus Christ, Stephen's own creator, had to stand up.
Monday, July 21, 2008
home..
Well, camp is officially over..and I hate it! I miss the people, the place, the mountain view in the morning and the most beautiful starry sky I've ever seen at night. I can't describe how much this summer has changed my life...I'm a different person but I can't exactly put it into words.
These are the girls that I poured my heart out to all summer...they made up my small group and I couldn't miss them any more than I do.
This is just one picture of some lifelong friends that I have made and became a better person because of. One of the biggest lessons that I learned, that I will try to put into words, is the lesson of loving the day I was given.
I can't say there was one situation or one particular circumstance that led me to this huge lesson the Lord taught me..but it was more of a gradual one. I realized over this summer while I was in Estes, that each day is a day that I "get" to do; it's not something I deserve. The Lord blesses me each and every day with another opportunity to get up and love Him and others the best way I can. I remember sitting in the office one day a few weeks ago and thinking, "I need to love today because the Lord didn't give it to me to waste." I seriously can't explain how much this has changed my out look on life.
No matter what comes my way, no matter what great place I have to leave, and no matter what I might have to say goodbye to; it's up to me to set the tone for my day. If I get up every day choosing that it will be a good day and choosing to work on being like Christ just for the next 24 hours, the day will be better because of it. Again, it's hard to put this totally into words but I can say that I have become a much more content person because of this. I didn't want to leave camp...but I know and am so excited to see what the Lord has planned. There are always going to be places I don't want to go or things I'm too tired to do, but because the day was a gift anyway...my attitude has changed..
I'm not living in the future anymore...I just live one day at a time and try and follow His lead. Not sure if this rambling makes much sense but I'm just trying to write out just one of the many things on my heart. Basically, camp was great and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to thank the Lord enough for giving me this summer and these memories.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Almost home.
I'll finally be home tomorrow...not quite sure how I feel about it.
Today was a struggle for several reasons but mostly for reasons of confusion. I'm looking forward to so much and can't wait to get there but trying hard to figure out where the Lord is taking me and what He is trying to say.
Sometimes I feel so lost and have absolutely no idea where to take my next step. I'm not quite sure that makes sense, but that's what I've got. I feel like my ideas of my future are being confirmed and shifted all at the same time...I guess it's just a matter of waiting and discerning. Not that this is a bad place to be in...just frustrating at times.
Anyways, the past few days have been incredible. I have absolutely loved hanging out with my family and we have had some much needed family time. It was my first time in Iowa and can't say I hated it :)
The Lord is good...even when I'm in one of those places where His timing does not match up to mine; He is still so good to me.
Praying for guidance and following blindly.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Almost over.
My parents are on their way here.
It's July 8th.
I can't believe Camp T is over in about 24 hours. I'm a little numb to it right now...more to come about all of this but I honestly can't believe that my parents roll in tomorrow evening to pick me up. What the junk?!
I couldn't be happier with where I am right now but couldn't be more sad to leave...
I am excited to go home and process all of this...and so thankful for what the Lord has already taught me.
I have made lifelong friends, memories that will last, and have experienced once again, how sovereign the Lord is.
The last five weeks went a bit fast..but I'm ready for whatever He has :)
i LOVE today.
It's July 8th.
I can't believe Camp T is over in about 24 hours. I'm a little numb to it right now...more to come about all of this but I honestly can't believe that my parents roll in tomorrow evening to pick me up. What the junk?!
I couldn't be happier with where I am right now but couldn't be more sad to leave...
I am excited to go home and process all of this...and so thankful for what the Lord has already taught me.
I have made lifelong friends, memories that will last, and have experienced once again, how sovereign the Lord is.
The last five weeks went a bit fast..but I'm ready for whatever He has :)
i LOVE today.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
No words..
Today was incredible..
This week was the beginning of teen weeks at Camp T and I have never been more impressed and more excited about a group of 15-17 year old girls. We had devotions tonight for over 1 1/2 hours and can tell that these girls are searching and genuinely excited about finding a freedom in Christ. My heart broke tonight for these young women and can not even explain to you how excited I am that the Lord is using my co-counselor's and I this week.
Beyond the details, however, I have been confirmed over and over again about my passion for kids and this generation. I know, without a doubt, that I am in love with what this summer has been all about. I'm in love with pouring into kids and believing in their potential. More importantly, I'm in love with places like Camp T that are all about being yourself and tearing off the masks that we all place. I've never been somewhere where I felt like being vulnerable is 100% accepted and asked for. There is something about this place that shouts to kids that it's okay to be who you were created to be. I love it.
I am in such a bittersweet state right now. Knowing that the end of my time here is coming completely breaks my heart...seriously, it feels like I'm breaking up with camp. However, there is something exciting about going home and heading back to school for one more great year with my friends. Either way, today is where I am, and I can't stop smiling! The Lord has done some amazing things...and I'm ready and waiting for what's next. I can say, however, that coming back next summer is exactly what I'm hoping for..
still loving today.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
There is NO ONE like You.
This past week has been absolutely incredible when it comes to my cabin. I have loved every single minute of hanging out with my girls and figuring out the best ways to make them understand God's love for them.
Last night was the high of my week as I got to hang out with them without their "full-time" counselors. We sat in our room and talked about what it really means to be beautiful and how being yourself and being confident in that is the most beautiful thing ever. These girls are 8 and 9 years old and were seriously understanding that Jesus looks on the inside and not the outside. If only I would have grasped that when I was 8 years old...
I have never been more blessed and can not wait to see what the next few weeks look like now that the teenagers are coming. I am super excited and a little nervous as this brings a whole new dynamic to camp. Either way, I know the Lord is here and ready to move in the hearts of these teens as well as my own. Camp Timberline is honestly an anointed place. The Lord is working and it is so exciting to be used.
As far as I go...Not sure where the Lord is taking me personally right now, but I have never been more ready to follow blindly.
loving today.
Last night was the high of my week as I got to hang out with them without their "full-time" counselors. We sat in our room and talked about what it really means to be beautiful and how being yourself and being confident in that is the most beautiful thing ever. These girls are 8 and 9 years old and were seriously understanding that Jesus looks on the inside and not the outside. If only I would have grasped that when I was 8 years old...
I have never been more blessed and can not wait to see what the next few weeks look like now that the teenagers are coming. I am super excited and a little nervous as this brings a whole new dynamic to camp. Either way, I know the Lord is here and ready to move in the hearts of these teens as well as my own. Camp Timberline is honestly an anointed place. The Lord is working and it is so exciting to be used.
As far as I go...Not sure where the Lord is taking me personally right now, but I have never been more ready to follow blindly.
loving today.
Monday, June 9, 2008
loving it.
I 100% absolutely and completely love it here. I can't think of a place I'd rather be right now than exactly where I'm at. The Lord is SO good...His sovereignty is unbelievable. The sights, the beauty..but most importantly the people are what I love most. I've made some friendships that I know will last forever. I'm so thankful for the Lord and His timing in my life...He really does know what He's doing :)
Here's to hoping the next five weeks go as slow as possible...
Here's to hoping the next five weeks go as slow as possible...
Friday, May 16, 2008
Terrified.
So...I'm terrified of flying.
I leave for Colorado in less than two days and I am freaking out about the flight. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready to be outta here and on with a new slice of life but I am absolutely and positively scared of flying.
I guess I just needed to get that out...I'd appreciate your prayers!
Thanks...and that's all :)
I leave for Colorado in less than two days and I am freaking out about the flight. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready to be outta here and on with a new slice of life but I am absolutely and positively scared of flying.
I guess I just needed to get that out...I'd appreciate your prayers!
Thanks...and that's all :)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I went to a Shane and Shane concert today and after listening to one of my favorite songs...I decided that I wanted to put it up as a prayer for my life:
"Holy design,
This place in time.
That I might seek and find my God, my God.
Lord I want to yearn for You,
I want to burn with passion,
Over You and only You.
Lord I want to Yearn.
Your joy is mine,
Yet why am I fine?
With all my singing and bringing you grain,
In light of Him.
Lord I want to yearn for You,
I want to burn with passion,
Over You and only You.
Lord I want to yearn.
Oh You give life and breath,
Through Him You give all things.
In Him we live and move,
That's why I sing"
I love these lyrics because they aren't implying that I've "gotten it." They aren't implying that I go throughout my day completely innocent of straying away from my God. What they do imply is that my heart wants to learn how to yearn for Christ and that I do have a desire to be consumed with a burning passion for Him. That's why this is my prayer for now and forever. I never want to stop desiring a passionate relationship with Him.
"Holy design,
This place in time.
That I might seek and find my God, my God.
Lord I want to yearn for You,
I want to burn with passion,
Over You and only You.
Lord I want to Yearn.
Your joy is mine,
Yet why am I fine?
With all my singing and bringing you grain,
In light of Him.
Lord I want to yearn for You,
I want to burn with passion,
Over You and only You.
Lord I want to yearn.
Oh You give life and breath,
Through Him You give all things.
In Him we live and move,
That's why I sing"
I love these lyrics because they aren't implying that I've "gotten it." They aren't implying that I go throughout my day completely innocent of straying away from my God. What they do imply is that my heart wants to learn how to yearn for Christ and that I do have a desire to be consumed with a burning passion for Him. That's why this is my prayer for now and forever. I never want to stop desiring a passionate relationship with Him.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
summer oh eight
i've been sitting here typing and retyping what i want to say...explaining where i'm at.
honestly, i can't figure it out...
hoping for this summer to bring a lot..
growth.
learning.
pain.
perseverance.
movement.
consistency.
relationships.
understanding
If I had to try and describe where I want to be at the end of the summer..it's here:
I want my perspective and my mindset to be completely shifted from thinking about myself to thinking about others. I want to have a better picture on how the Lord plans to use me to love the world to Heaven. I want to be reminded that a lot of things I worry about..aren't eternal and that the things I often don't remember..are. If I were to put this simply, I want to be a better person; I want to be more like Christ.
My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me.
You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
-barlow girl
honestly, i can't figure it out...
hoping for this summer to bring a lot..
growth.
learning.
pain.
perseverance.
movement.
consistency.
relationships.
understanding
If I had to try and describe where I want to be at the end of the summer..it's here:
I want my perspective and my mindset to be completely shifted from thinking about myself to thinking about others. I want to have a better picture on how the Lord plans to use me to love the world to Heaven. I want to be reminded that a lot of things I worry about..aren't eternal and that the things I often don't remember..are. If I were to put this simply, I want to be a better person; I want to be more like Christ.
My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me.
You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
-barlow girl
Friday, April 4, 2008
Inconsistent.
I am the most inconsistent person that I know...
One week I am doing great, loving the Lord and showing Him the same. Then the next week comes and I decide that I am too busy or too tired to open my Bible. Why do I do this to myself? I see what I need to do and then don't do it...sounds familiar.
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
This verse from Romans 7 is exactly how I feel right now. In my head, I know that I want to be with the Lord and follow His path every single day but...why do I struggle every day with simple things like reading His Word and talking to Him? That has to be the other law at work within.
I hope to start recognizing the evil within me and ridding myself of it. I know it is going to take a lot of effort and probably even some uncomfortable moments but I hate being so inconsistent. The Lord waits on me every day for me to show up and I continue to let Him down...even though I KNOW what I'm doing; I sit and actually know that I am choosing to give that part of my day up..the part that includes my Maker. I absolutely hate the human part of me and know that my next step in my journey is figuring out how to tighten my slave chains that are connected with Christ while trying to rid myself of the other chains that have been holding me back for too long.
Well...this is where I'm at.
Frustrated but eager to succeed...ready to step it up and show up every day.
One week I am doing great, loving the Lord and showing Him the same. Then the next week comes and I decide that I am too busy or too tired to open my Bible. Why do I do this to myself? I see what I need to do and then don't do it...sounds familiar.
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
This verse from Romans 7 is exactly how I feel right now. In my head, I know that I want to be with the Lord and follow His path every single day but...why do I struggle every day with simple things like reading His Word and talking to Him? That has to be the other law at work within.
I hope to start recognizing the evil within me and ridding myself of it. I know it is going to take a lot of effort and probably even some uncomfortable moments but I hate being so inconsistent. The Lord waits on me every day for me to show up and I continue to let Him down...even though I KNOW what I'm doing; I sit and actually know that I am choosing to give that part of my day up..the part that includes my Maker. I absolutely hate the human part of me and know that my next step in my journey is figuring out how to tighten my slave chains that are connected with Christ while trying to rid myself of the other chains that have been holding me back for too long.
Well...this is where I'm at.
Frustrated but eager to succeed...ready to step it up and show up every day.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Surrender.
And I surrender, all to You.
All to You.
I've realized some things about my relationship with Christ..and one of those things is that I am so much more of a purpose-filled human being when I take time and recognize my future in Him.
I know, I know..completely revolutionary :)
But really think about this with me.
I have sat around for the past couple of weeks wishing for things that have been and desiring that my future end up the way I want it to...but I've realized that all that gets me is bag full of broken memories and a bad habit of selfish hope.
I have begun to see that each day is brand new...it is completely innocent of yesterday's hurt, tears, and wishes. I wish that I could really begin to understand fully that my future rests in His hands alone. I wish that I could really begin to grapple with the fact that no matter what has happened...my future will be nothing short of supernatural! You see, the part where my lesson comes in is that when I walk around thinking about that...thinking about how my future is in Him and not in my sadness and that things WILL improve...I am obviously a happier and more joyful person.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized that how my days go depend a lot upon what I decide to put my focus on. As of lately, you see, I have been putting my focus on what I don't have and what I don't understand....but no more. I am deciding from this point onward to look forward at what I do have. My life isn't going like I thought it would...and as of today, I am going to start saying: Praise the Lord!
Giving up is hard to do...but it's sometimes necessary in order to gain the full blessing that the Lord has. So, as hard as it is to give up..I'm finally going to allow Christ to take my burdens and transform me into a woman of God and to take me wherever He chooses. I'm done focusing on my sadness and starting to focus on His purpose in my life.
Sure, life will still make me sad sometimes and I will continue to desire different things...but that doesn't mean that I have to focus on them. Nope, He can handle those now.
So...in the words of Mr. Buble:
"It's a new dawn,
It's a new day,
It's a new life,
and I'm feelin' good."
:)
All to You.
I've realized some things about my relationship with Christ..and one of those things is that I am so much more of a purpose-filled human being when I take time and recognize my future in Him.
I know, I know..completely revolutionary :)
But really think about this with me.
I have sat around for the past couple of weeks wishing for things that have been and desiring that my future end up the way I want it to...but I've realized that all that gets me is bag full of broken memories and a bad habit of selfish hope.
I have begun to see that each day is brand new...it is completely innocent of yesterday's hurt, tears, and wishes. I wish that I could really begin to understand fully that my future rests in His hands alone. I wish that I could really begin to grapple with the fact that no matter what has happened...my future will be nothing short of supernatural! You see, the part where my lesson comes in is that when I walk around thinking about that...thinking about how my future is in Him and not in my sadness and that things WILL improve...I am obviously a happier and more joyful person.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized that how my days go depend a lot upon what I decide to put my focus on. As of lately, you see, I have been putting my focus on what I don't have and what I don't understand....but no more. I am deciding from this point onward to look forward at what I do have. My life isn't going like I thought it would...and as of today, I am going to start saying: Praise the Lord!
Giving up is hard to do...but it's sometimes necessary in order to gain the full blessing that the Lord has. So, as hard as it is to give up..I'm finally going to allow Christ to take my burdens and transform me into a woman of God and to take me wherever He chooses. I'm done focusing on my sadness and starting to focus on His purpose in my life.
Sure, life will still make me sad sometimes and I will continue to desire different things...but that doesn't mean that I have to focus on them. Nope, He can handle those now.
So...in the words of Mr. Buble:
"It's a new dawn,
It's a new day,
It's a new life,
and I'm feelin' good."
:)
Thursday, March 6, 2008
:)
I'm home for Spring Break...and I love it.
The Lord has been working in me and stretching me this week in ways that I never thought were possible. Even though life has been hard, it is such a good feeling knowing that the Lord has my back. I've been working through some reconciliation issues...and it's amazing at how much cleaner your heart can feel when you start to take out the junk that has been hidden there for so long. I feel like the Lord is finally getting some breathing room in my heart for the first time in a very, very long time.
Overall this week has been great! I went to Nashville last weekend with some friends from school...learned to swing dance..and ate at my favorite restaurant downtown :) Great times. Then I stayed with Abby for a few nights, fun as always! Now, I'm home. Catching up on sleep and much needed family time.
After avoiding home for two months, and even though there have been rough moments...the feeling of being here couldn't be more right.
Goodnight :)
The Lord has been working in me and stretching me this week in ways that I never thought were possible. Even though life has been hard, it is such a good feeling knowing that the Lord has my back. I've been working through some reconciliation issues...and it's amazing at how much cleaner your heart can feel when you start to take out the junk that has been hidden there for so long. I feel like the Lord is finally getting some breathing room in my heart for the first time in a very, very long time.
Overall this week has been great! I went to Nashville last weekend with some friends from school...learned to swing dance..and ate at my favorite restaurant downtown :) Great times. Then I stayed with Abby for a few nights, fun as always! Now, I'm home. Catching up on sleep and much needed family time.
After avoiding home for two months, and even though there have been rough moments...the feeling of being here couldn't be more right.
Goodnight :)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
A New Me.
So...I think the beginning of a revival brewing in my heart right now. It's pretty exciting and a little nerve racking but I am so ready for it...
The past several weeks have been the biggest emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. I am as broken as I've ever been. Satan has thrown everything he can at me to knock me down..and for the first time I'm beginning to see the rush you can have out of refusing to let him win. So, my boyfriend broke up with me...I'm not dependant on anyone but Christ. So, my computer crashed...it can be fixed. So, I'm not doing so hot in some of my classes...I can study harder. I can learn to be content in any and every circumstance. I've taken blow after blow these past few weeks and for the first time in my entire life, I don't feel like everything is falling apart. It's an amazing feeling...it's the beginning of a revival that has been needing to take place for too long.
Do I have bad days? Yep. Do I want to throw in the towel and crawl into bed and sleep until it all goes away? Sometimes. Do I still get up every morning? Heck yeah.
I've begun to realize that my purpose on this earth is to glorify God. If God is having me do that through pain, bring it on. I will still do my best to glorify Him in whatever circumstances He desires for me. I want to be molded and stretched for Him. So..can I complain about the past few weeks? I could if I really wanted to, my roommates would understand. Will I? Nope. I want to start yearning for times like this because it means I am being changed. I think the Devil sees a threat in me that has been non-existant until now...a threat that has the potential to be the set-apart woman that Christ desires...a threat to expand the kingdom. This excites me. I want to prevail this time. No more saying I'll get around to becoming the woman I am supposed to be; it's time to fall in love with Christ. The kind of love that is completely head-over-heels, "I'd do anything for you" kind of love.
Are there more blows heading my way? Probably.
Bring it on.
The past several weeks have been the biggest emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. I am as broken as I've ever been. Satan has thrown everything he can at me to knock me down..and for the first time I'm beginning to see the rush you can have out of refusing to let him win. So, my boyfriend broke up with me...I'm not dependant on anyone but Christ. So, my computer crashed...it can be fixed. So, I'm not doing so hot in some of my classes...I can study harder. I can learn to be content in any and every circumstance. I've taken blow after blow these past few weeks and for the first time in my entire life, I don't feel like everything is falling apart. It's an amazing feeling...it's the beginning of a revival that has been needing to take place for too long.
Do I have bad days? Yep. Do I want to throw in the towel and crawl into bed and sleep until it all goes away? Sometimes. Do I still get up every morning? Heck yeah.
I've begun to realize that my purpose on this earth is to glorify God. If God is having me do that through pain, bring it on. I will still do my best to glorify Him in whatever circumstances He desires for me. I want to be molded and stretched for Him. So..can I complain about the past few weeks? I could if I really wanted to, my roommates would understand. Will I? Nope. I want to start yearning for times like this because it means I am being changed. I think the Devil sees a threat in me that has been non-existant until now...a threat that has the potential to be the set-apart woman that Christ desires...a threat to expand the kingdom. This excites me. I want to prevail this time. No more saying I'll get around to becoming the woman I am supposed to be; it's time to fall in love with Christ. The kind of love that is completely head-over-heels, "I'd do anything for you" kind of love.
Are there more blows heading my way? Probably.
Bring it on.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
frustration.
Well, it's been awhile.
I'd like to say that I've been having the best devotional times since I last posted but I'd be lying. I'd love to tell you that I have been going deeper and asking the hard questions..but I haven't. My heart has grown resentful. I'm resenting people that hurt me and even people that are just trying to help. The past few weeks have been so hard on my heart that I think my coping mechanism has been anger and resentment to cover up my hurting and vulnerable heart.
I'm the strong one. I'm not supposed to hurt and cry. And since I haven't been able to stop the pain, I hide it. I hide the fact that I'm hurting and pretend like everything is okay. To be honest, to an extent...it works. I have been having fun, making new friends and growing deeper with old friends...but at the same time, part of my heart is still pretending. I have become very good at not thinking about things. I am now an expert at distracting my mind from wandering to painful places and can say that some days the only time I let myself hurt is if I dream about it.
Here's the problem:
Through all of these mechanisms and all of this pretending, my heart grew resentful to God for not fixing things. I want to be okay. I want to be able to look at someone and truthfully tell them that I am great! I want so badly to be okay..and while I think I am on the way, I'm not there yet. And since I feel like God isn't hearing my prayers, I've even grown to resent Him to a certain extent. My devotional life has not been great and I haven't been in constant prayer and submission. I'm frustrated with how He's handled things and am trying desperatley to take control back. The most frustrating part is that I hate the kind of Christian I am being right now. I was fine for two weeks, loving the Lord and telling him to bring on the suffering if it was helping me grow...and then all of a sudden, the suffering continues and I realize how shallow I am.
Why do I do this? I want to be consistant. I want to believe ALL of the time that this is for the best and that God IS in control.
Anyways, this is where I'm at...and I hope and pray that this week is different. This is my goal...and I plan to meet it.
I'd like to say that I've been having the best devotional times since I last posted but I'd be lying. I'd love to tell you that I have been going deeper and asking the hard questions..but I haven't. My heart has grown resentful. I'm resenting people that hurt me and even people that are just trying to help. The past few weeks have been so hard on my heart that I think my coping mechanism has been anger and resentment to cover up my hurting and vulnerable heart.
I'm the strong one. I'm not supposed to hurt and cry. And since I haven't been able to stop the pain, I hide it. I hide the fact that I'm hurting and pretend like everything is okay. To be honest, to an extent...it works. I have been having fun, making new friends and growing deeper with old friends...but at the same time, part of my heart is still pretending. I have become very good at not thinking about things. I am now an expert at distracting my mind from wandering to painful places and can say that some days the only time I let myself hurt is if I dream about it.
Here's the problem:
Through all of these mechanisms and all of this pretending, my heart grew resentful to God for not fixing things. I want to be okay. I want to be able to look at someone and truthfully tell them that I am great! I want so badly to be okay..and while I think I am on the way, I'm not there yet. And since I feel like God isn't hearing my prayers, I've even grown to resent Him to a certain extent. My devotional life has not been great and I haven't been in constant prayer and submission. I'm frustrated with how He's handled things and am trying desperatley to take control back. The most frustrating part is that I hate the kind of Christian I am being right now. I was fine for two weeks, loving the Lord and telling him to bring on the suffering if it was helping me grow...and then all of a sudden, the suffering continues and I realize how shallow I am.
Why do I do this? I want to be consistant. I want to believe ALL of the time that this is for the best and that God IS in control.
Anyways, this is where I'm at...and I hope and pray that this week is different. This is my goal...and I plan to meet it.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
more on my man Job..
As I continue reading Job, there seem to be just short verses that catch my eye. This time it was in the second chapter, the 9th and 10th verses.
"His wife said to him, 'Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!' He replied, 'You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?'"
These two verses are incredible. Not only am I amazed at Job's response, but I have to admit that I feel for this woman as well. I can't imagine being the mom of a household that has been blessed and within what seemed like a split second it was entirely gone. I have to believe that most of our reactions would be in line with hers. "Are you serious? Are you really trying to stay faithful when the Lord just allowed the most intense and inconsolable pain to enter into the depths of your life and soul?" I have to admit that even though I look down on this woman as I first study the book of Job, that she is a lot more like the common Joe of our day. Giving up on God the minute he takes away the smooth sailing of life. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if churches today would start preaching the Truth. If churches today would start letting people know that life is NOT going to be a breeze and that we are supposed to REJOICE in our sufferings. I wonder..
Looking past Job's wife, his response might be one of the most wise and profound verses in the Bible. (In my opinion.) In fact, this verse is what I have been struggling with for the past week. I have been trying to learn that this heart break is something that I need to accept because I want to be the kind of Christian that loves the Lord on good and bad days. I want to be a woman that understands that there is more to life than what I can see and feel...that there really is a greater work going on and I should be rejoicing in the fact that I get to be a part of it.
I also love the way that Job phrases his response to his wife. He makes it sound so logical; so basic. He makes it seem like it is a part of our Christian faith that should come naturally to each and every one of us. Where in the Bible does God promise us an EASY life? Where in the Bible does God promise us NO PAIN? I don't think so! Paul says that to live is Christ and to DIE is gain. The Bible says that we should rejoice in our sufferings because they produce perseverance, character, and hope.
I love Job. I love that he went through a time in his life that could not have gotten much worse and never sinned against God. Job proves that it can be done. Job proves that this kind of life can exist. This is why I keep hoping that I will become a little more like Job every day. I want to get to the point where my soul is thankful for trials because it means that the Devil knows I'm a threat. I want to get to the point where I can live my life in a way that understands that it is my duty to not just accept good from the Lord but also trouble.
"His wife said to him, 'Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!' He replied, 'You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?'"
These two verses are incredible. Not only am I amazed at Job's response, but I have to admit that I feel for this woman as well. I can't imagine being the mom of a household that has been blessed and within what seemed like a split second it was entirely gone. I have to believe that most of our reactions would be in line with hers. "Are you serious? Are you really trying to stay faithful when the Lord just allowed the most intense and inconsolable pain to enter into the depths of your life and soul?" I have to admit that even though I look down on this woman as I first study the book of Job, that she is a lot more like the common Joe of our day. Giving up on God the minute he takes away the smooth sailing of life. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if churches today would start preaching the Truth. If churches today would start letting people know that life is NOT going to be a breeze and that we are supposed to REJOICE in our sufferings. I wonder..
Looking past Job's wife, his response might be one of the most wise and profound verses in the Bible. (In my opinion.) In fact, this verse is what I have been struggling with for the past week. I have been trying to learn that this heart break is something that I need to accept because I want to be the kind of Christian that loves the Lord on good and bad days. I want to be a woman that understands that there is more to life than what I can see and feel...that there really is a greater work going on and I should be rejoicing in the fact that I get to be a part of it.
I also love the way that Job phrases his response to his wife. He makes it sound so logical; so basic. He makes it seem like it is a part of our Christian faith that should come naturally to each and every one of us. Where in the Bible does God promise us an EASY life? Where in the Bible does God promise us NO PAIN? I don't think so! Paul says that to live is Christ and to DIE is gain. The Bible says that we should rejoice in our sufferings because they produce perseverance, character, and hope.
I love Job. I love that he went through a time in his life that could not have gotten much worse and never sinned against God. Job proves that it can be done. Job proves that this kind of life can exist. This is why I keep hoping that I will become a little more like Job every day. I want to get to the point where my soul is thankful for trials because it means that the Devil knows I'm a threat. I want to get to the point where I can live my life in a way that understands that it is my duty to not just accept good from the Lord but also trouble.
Monday, January 14, 2008
A New Kind of Worship
The other night, my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me. It rocked my world. I saw it coming...but still couldn't prepare my heart. Anyways...this is just the foundation for where this blog is coming from: the deepest pain I've ever felt.
Last night I was sitting on my bathroom floor due to the fact that my roommate was sleeping...and I was writing in my journal, crying, praying, and reading from the book of Job. I decided that I wanted to read something that felt applicable and figured that reading about the life of a man that lost way more than me was the best bet.
So I read through the first chapter and was totally taken by surprise. I mean, just in the first test by Satan..Job lost all of his donkey's, sheep, camels, and to add to the loss of his entire income security...he lost all of his sons and daughters. THEY DIED. I mean, how could Job not be out of control angry? How could Job not stare up at the sky and be so mad at God that he questions everything? But get this..not only at the end of the chapter does it say "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." As if this weren't enough...my eyes were drawn to a few verses above this, verse 20 where it states, "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship..."
HE FELL TO THE GROUND IN WORSHIP.
This is so unreal to me. The first thing that Job did was worship. He worshipped through his pain. He worshipped because of his pain. His first reaction to this pain was to worship. I can't help but think that there is a very real lesson to learn from Job here. I'm suffering right now...I am in pain. But I can tell you that my first reaction was definitely not to worship. However, after reading this and attending the first night of our spiritual emphasis week...I am beginning to understand this whole concept. For one of the first times in my life I am beginning to see how worship is more than just music...that it really is all of life. I want to learn what came so naturally to Job. I want to worship through my pain.
I want to painfully figure out what it really means to worship...and I am beginning to mean it when I pray that I will not be relieved from this pain until I figure some of these lessons out. It's time for me to wake up and grow up..and I want to take every second of this hardship in doing just that: really becoming the woman that the Lord wants me to be.
Last night I was sitting on my bathroom floor due to the fact that my roommate was sleeping...and I was writing in my journal, crying, praying, and reading from the book of Job. I decided that I wanted to read something that felt applicable and figured that reading about the life of a man that lost way more than me was the best bet.
So I read through the first chapter and was totally taken by surprise. I mean, just in the first test by Satan..Job lost all of his donkey's, sheep, camels, and to add to the loss of his entire income security...he lost all of his sons and daughters. THEY DIED. I mean, how could Job not be out of control angry? How could Job not stare up at the sky and be so mad at God that he questions everything? But get this..not only at the end of the chapter does it say "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." As if this weren't enough...my eyes were drawn to a few verses above this, verse 20 where it states, "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship..."
HE FELL TO THE GROUND IN WORSHIP.
This is so unreal to me. The first thing that Job did was worship. He worshipped through his pain. He worshipped because of his pain. His first reaction to this pain was to worship. I can't help but think that there is a very real lesson to learn from Job here. I'm suffering right now...I am in pain. But I can tell you that my first reaction was definitely not to worship. However, after reading this and attending the first night of our spiritual emphasis week...I am beginning to understand this whole concept. For one of the first times in my life I am beginning to see how worship is more than just music...that it really is all of life. I want to learn what came so naturally to Job. I want to worship through my pain.
I want to painfully figure out what it really means to worship...and I am beginning to mean it when I pray that I will not be relieved from this pain until I figure some of these lessons out. It's time for me to wake up and grow up..and I want to take every second of this hardship in doing just that: really becoming the woman that the Lord wants me to be.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Colossians 1:18
As I was reading tonight, I continued on in my trek through Colossians. However, I had to stop after verse 18. I have never realized this...well, I underlined it once before but do not remember learning it.
"And He is the head of the body, the church;..."
I remember growing up and hearing all of those stories about the body of Christ and how without a foot we couldn't walk or without an ear we could not hear. However, I never remember hearing this kind of lesson in my younger years. The Lord is the head of the body of Christ. We can not be an eye because He is the omnipotent God. We can not be the mouth because it is His message that we are giving...not anyone else's. He is the head. He is the "brains" behind the rest of the body.
Another way that I saw this tonight for the first time is that whatever part of the body that I am, is not in charge of another. It is the brain (God) that is behind why the body does what it does...but I am a part of the body that does what I am told. I am part of the active body of Christ because God is telling me to take a step or to hold a child's hand. Whatever I do, I have to start looking at my life this way. I have to start realizing that God is the brains and I am nothing more than an obedient foot or hand.
I wonder what would happen if every follower of Christ would admit this; if every Christ follower would admit the fact that Christ is the one in charge and we are the parts of the body under submission to His power.
"And He is the head of the body, the church;..."
I remember growing up and hearing all of those stories about the body of Christ and how without a foot we couldn't walk or without an ear we could not hear. However, I never remember hearing this kind of lesson in my younger years. The Lord is the head of the body of Christ. We can not be an eye because He is the omnipotent God. We can not be the mouth because it is His message that we are giving...not anyone else's. He is the head. He is the "brains" behind the rest of the body.
Another way that I saw this tonight for the first time is that whatever part of the body that I am, is not in charge of another. It is the brain (God) that is behind why the body does what it does...but I am a part of the body that does what I am told. I am part of the active body of Christ because God is telling me to take a step or to hold a child's hand. Whatever I do, I have to start looking at my life this way. I have to start realizing that God is the brains and I am nothing more than an obedient foot or hand.
I wonder what would happen if every follower of Christ would admit this; if every Christ follower would admit the fact that Christ is the one in charge and we are the parts of the body under submission to His power.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Colossians 1:1-14
I started reading from the book of Colossians today during my quiet times and came across something that I have missed before; or at least the importance of it. In the tenth verse, Paul says that he and Timothy are praying for the people so that they "may live a life worthy of the Lord." This statement obviously implies that we can live out our days in a way that is unworthy of the Lord. This verse stopped for a bit but then I kept reading and came up with the answer to the question that I had begun asking: What does a life that is worthy of the Lord look like?
Verses 10-12 give a list of 4 things that constitute a life worthy of the Lord. These four things are:
1. "bearing fruit in every good work"
2. "growing in the knowledge of God"
3. "being strengthened with all power...so that you may have great endurance and patience"
4. "and joyfully giving thanks to the Father..."
After reading these four "requirements" for worthy life, my eyes were blown open. How often do I even think about these things let alone practice them with my whole heart? Am I ever consciously wondering if I am placing myself in the position to bear fruit? Am I in the Word every day in order to know God better? Am I praying for strength and wisdom so that I can make it through the race? Am I thanking my Father for saving me from the darkness of evil? Unfortunately, the majority of the time, I would have to answer these questions with a "no."
As I continue to sit and ponder these four things, I am trying to figure out a way that I can begin practicing all of these so that may live a life that is worthy. After thinking about these things, I have decided that the second one is something that I am working on since I have already set myself a goal for this year. However, the first "requirement" is something that I really need to start considering. How often am I thinking about bearing fruit and furthering the Kingdom? However, I'll have to get back to you once I figure out how I plan to place myself in a position for this.
These are the things on my mind right now...I'm working on losing myself and my habits that make life seem worth living and pushing myself towards a life that is actually worthy of the Lord.
Verses 10-12 give a list of 4 things that constitute a life worthy of the Lord. These four things are:
1. "bearing fruit in every good work"
2. "growing in the knowledge of God"
3. "being strengthened with all power...so that you may have great endurance and patience"
4. "and joyfully giving thanks to the Father..."
After reading these four "requirements" for worthy life, my eyes were blown open. How often do I even think about these things let alone practice them with my whole heart? Am I ever consciously wondering if I am placing myself in the position to bear fruit? Am I in the Word every day in order to know God better? Am I praying for strength and wisdom so that I can make it through the race? Am I thanking my Father for saving me from the darkness of evil? Unfortunately, the majority of the time, I would have to answer these questions with a "no."
As I continue to sit and ponder these four things, I am trying to figure out a way that I can begin practicing all of these so that may live a life that is worthy. After thinking about these things, I have decided that the second one is something that I am working on since I have already set myself a goal for this year. However, the first "requirement" is something that I really need to start considering. How often am I thinking about bearing fruit and furthering the Kingdom? However, I'll have to get back to you once I figure out how I plan to place myself in a position for this.
These are the things on my mind right now...I'm working on losing myself and my habits that make life seem worth living and pushing myself towards a life that is actually worthy of the Lord.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008.
It was time for a new year to begin. I needed something to boost my efforts. I've never been that big on New Year's resolutions, but this year I decided that I am going to give it a try. I figure that this could be the thing to jump start my first real search to find out who Christ really is. See, I started this blog a long time ago but it is just now that I am really seeing that finding reality in Christ is something that I have to do. I have no choice. I am beginning to realize that I was not made for this world and I am desperate to know Christ and His purpose for me. I have finally realized that I have to stop promising that I am going to do something and then after three days go find something else that "feels right." It's time, this year: 2008 will be different.
My New Year's resolution is to not miss one day of my devotions. Whether it is an hour of intense Bible study to 10 minutes of prayer, I have set myself the goal to not miss one single day of spending purposeful time getting to know my Creator a little bit better. This discipline is something that I have struggled with and I am now going to do my absolute best to turn it into a strength. The reason I write this blog is because this is what is going to keep me accountable. Writing down steps in my journey is what is going to keep me pushing forward. One of my favorite verses in the Bible fits perfect for what this year is all about for me:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us..."
(Romans 5:3-5)
This verse is what I want this year to be about. No matter what I am going through, no matter if times are good or if I am suffering, I am going to turn my circumstances into a passionate pursuit and perseverance of Him. Through this, I hope my character is ripped apart and a Godly character is set in place. I want to be broken; I want my present ungodly characteristics to be ripped away so that Christ can replace them and make me who I am really supposed to be. And most of all, I want all of this because once my perseverance is holding strong and my character is being built up, I know that I will, for the first time, really know what true hope is.
It's time. This year, 2008, is a turning point for me. And I can't wait!
My New Year's resolution is to not miss one day of my devotions. Whether it is an hour of intense Bible study to 10 minutes of prayer, I have set myself the goal to not miss one single day of spending purposeful time getting to know my Creator a little bit better. This discipline is something that I have struggled with and I am now going to do my absolute best to turn it into a strength. The reason I write this blog is because this is what is going to keep me accountable. Writing down steps in my journey is what is going to keep me pushing forward. One of my favorite verses in the Bible fits perfect for what this year is all about for me:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us..."
(Romans 5:3-5)
This verse is what I want this year to be about. No matter what I am going through, no matter if times are good or if I am suffering, I am going to turn my circumstances into a passionate pursuit and perseverance of Him. Through this, I hope my character is ripped apart and a Godly character is set in place. I want to be broken; I want my present ungodly characteristics to be ripped away so that Christ can replace them and make me who I am really supposed to be. And most of all, I want all of this because once my perseverance is holding strong and my character is being built up, I know that I will, for the first time, really know what true hope is.
It's time. This year, 2008, is a turning point for me. And I can't wait!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
