A New Kind of Worship

The other night, my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me. It rocked my world. I saw it coming...but still couldn't prepare my heart. Anyways...this is just the foundation for where this blog is coming from: the deepest pain I've ever felt.

Last night I was sitting on my bathroom floor due to the fact that my roommate was sleeping...and I was writing in my journal, crying, praying, and reading from the book of Job. I decided that I wanted to read something that felt applicable and figured that reading about the life of a man that lost way more than me was the best bet.

So I read through the first chapter and was totally taken by surprise. I mean, just in the first test by Satan..Job lost all of his donkey's, sheep, camels, and to add to the loss of his entire income security...he lost all of his sons and daughters. THEY DIED. I mean, how could Job not be out of control angry? How could Job not stare up at the sky and be so mad at God that he questions everything? But get this..not only at the end of the chapter does it say "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." As if this weren't enough...my eyes were drawn to a few verses above this, verse 20 where it states, "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship..."

HE FELL TO THE GROUND IN WORSHIP.

This is so unreal to me. The first thing that Job did was worship. He worshipped through his pain. He worshipped because of his pain. His first reaction to this pain was to worship. I can't help but think that there is a very real lesson to learn from Job here. I'm suffering right now...I am in pain. But I can tell you that my first reaction was definitely not to worship. However, after reading this and attending the first night of our spiritual emphasis week...I am beginning to understand this whole concept. For one of the first times in my life I am beginning to see how worship is more than just music...that it really is all of life. I want to learn what came so naturally to Job. I want to worship through my pain.

I want to painfully figure out what it really means to worship...and I am beginning to mean it when I pray that I will not be relieved from this pain until I figure some of these lessons out. It's time for me to wake up and grow up..and I want to take every second of this hardship in doing just that: really becoming the woman that the Lord wants me to be.